James 6/4/2015
Success Criteria
- Use different kinds of sentences
- Use adjectives to describe nouns
- Use adverbs to describe verbs
The girl of the sea
It was the middle of the night the moon was dim and the sea was blurred. It began when the boat flipped and with the sound of a scream, the boat gradually slipped into the belly of the sea. Onboard was a father and his little daughter. The father had drowned with sadness and the little girl dissolved in tears.
She drifted into tomorrow. She saw a channel of water flying through the caps of the waves. There was a school of whales hurdling towards her. She yelped in fear. But in fact they were only there to play.
A few hours later they were still playing. They now felt like they were relatives.They then flipped away she decided to follow. They all hunted for food and were friends with one another.
2 comments:
Kia Ora James,
Your story is very good. I like how there are many words that describe the things in the story. Using the describing words in your story make the story sound powerful like I am reading a book. Keep up the good work! What gave you the idea of writing this story about the girl?
Kia ora James
I love the fact that you made this up all by yourself. The people I showed and I think this is spectacular and I think you can get somewhere in life If you try really hard. As the whales and the daughter journey on what do think they will do or find?
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